Categories
Uncategorized

Dogs Lives Matter (DLM)

A trainer in New Zealand was arrested because a greyhound he had trained for a race was found to have high levels of methamphetamine in its blood. Officials claim that they tested the dog because they were concerned about track safety and cited “far too many incidents” recently where dogs had died or been injured.

The trainer in the case has denied that the drugs caused the dogs’ deaths. He claimed that dogs had done methamphetamine plenty of times without dying, and that the death of the dogs during races were probably caused by pressure placed on the back of the dog’s neck by the racing collars. They lined up several witnesses to show that a ‘blood choke’ caused by neck pressure was the likely cause. He called them out for race-ism and threatened to burn down all of New Zealand if they didn’t rule his way.

It is doubtful that this tactic will be successful, since there aren’t enough dog trainers in New Zealand to make a threat realistic enough to scare a jury into voting his way.

In case you missed it, this entire post is satire.