Categories
Humor Medical

We’re Doing Science

Scientists have announced that animals can breath through their anus. I can believe it, because the left has been talking out of their ass for decades.

With that in mind, I am working on a new first aid class. It’s still in the early stages, but I will let you know when I have more.

No, not like that…

Categories
Humor Tranny Insanity

Disney’s Star Wars

Categories
Humor Self Defense

You shot me in the …

This post brought to you by an idea I had when I saw JKB’s post over at GunFreeZone this morning. It’s how you deal with a shooter wearing body armor:

Categories
Humor

Mostly Successful

Categories
Humor

Hey Miguel

In response to your post of the day– check this out:

Categories
Humor Presidency

Funny

A 71-year-old man was accused of inappropriately touching a 12-year-old girl at the Walmart in West Mifflin Sunday afternoon

Categories
Humor

An oldie, but

Categories
fun Humor

SWAT team dance

Sung to the tune of “Safety Dance” with apologies to Men Without Hats:

S-s-s-s, W-w-w-w, A-a-a-a, T-t-t-t
SWAT, SWAT, dance!

We can search if we want to
We can inspect your friends’ behind
‘Cause your friends don’t bow and if they don’t scrape,
Well they’re no friends of mine

Say, we can go where we want to
A warrant you’ll never find
And we can rewrite the Constitution
Leave the real one far behind
And we can dance

We can go when we want to
The night is young and so am I
And we can dress real neat from our helmets to our feet
And surprise ’em with the no-knock cry

Say, we can act if we want to
Question us, nobody will
And we can shoot some dude, he’s totally screwed
And I can act like an imbecile

We can dance, we can dance
Totally out of control
We can dance, we can dance
We’re doing it from wall to wall
We can dance, we can dance
Everybody put up your hands
We can dance, we can dance
Everybody takin’ the cha-a-a-ance

We can search if we want to
We have auth-or-i-ty
As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it
Everything’ll work out right
I say, we can search if we want to
We’re protected by a thin blue line
‘Cause your friends ain’t cops, and if they ain’t cops,
Well they’re no friends of mine

Categories
Humor

Snack Wars

My wife works as a teacher. Most teachers keep a mini fridge in the classroom for storing their lunches (mostly due to school food being hideous). One of the substitute teachers that works at her school is famous for eating the food out of the rooms of the teachers he substitutes for.

Once, he at half of a teacher’s candy bar and left a Post-It note stuck to it that read “Sorry, I was hungry.” There were teeth marks still in the candy bar. Teachers all over the school have complained about this guy.

I was talking to one of my wife’s friends, and she was upset because she has been out of school for a couple days, caring for her mother. She left her daughter’s lunches (who is a student at the school) in her fridge and the substitute ate them all. This woman is pissed.

So in typical Divemedic fashion, I suggested a mechanical ambush. My suggestion is that they make some cookies using chocolate flavored laxative as the chunks, then leave them in your fridge with a note saying “don’t eat these.” Then if he eats them, it’s not on you. I was shot down.

Whatever. I bet he would never eat your food again.

Categories
fun Humor Me

Day Off for Date Night

My wife and I are going to Orlando today for a nice meal and to see Fluffy’s Stand Up. Here is a sample:

This is likely to be the only post of the day.