Every person who works EMS has a story about a patient who had an object stuck in an orifice. It never ceases to amaze me how many people cook or clean their home in the nude, and wind up with household items wedged in an orifice.
I saw a man with a birthday candle wedged in the end of his penis, where he had placed it for his boyfriend’s birthday, so he could blow out the candle. There was the guy with the wire coat hanger, the woman and the glass Coke bottle, and the guy who claimed that a home invader held a gun to his head, and forced him to insert the wooden handle of a BarBQ fork in his rectum, leaving only the metal tines protruding.
By far the winner in this is the unknown medical that we ran to a house only two blocks from the station. We arrived to find a man holding his groin, and it turns out that he had a keyring wrapped around the base of his penis. The member had swollen to the point where it was nearly the diameter of a grapefruit, and was an angry purple color. He said that the ring had been on there for nearly 16 hours. We tried ring cutters, but the keyring was spring steel, and wouldn’t even scratch it.
We took him to the hospital with an ice pack for pain, and turned him over to the staff. We found out later that they had to send a nurse to the local hardware store for some metal cutters to get the thing off of him.

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1 Comment

nadaclue · August 4, 2012 at 1:44 am

Now that's some funny stuff.

Ya know, in my 28 years on the bus, I never had of a patient with a foreign object in their anus.

I guess it is the kinder, gentler society of today which impels people to stick stuff in their poop shoots.

I will say though, I had eleven Cardiac Arrests, all dead, while poking their mistresses in someplace other than their homes.

Some pretty hot mistresses at that and most of the guy were pretty wealthy. Weird trend.

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