My apologies to Monty Python.
Pelosi: We have found an insurrectionist, may we burn him?
McConnell: How do you known he is an insurrectionist?
SWALLWELL: He looks like one!
Pelosi: Bring him forward
Trump: I’m not an insurrectionist! I’m not an insurrectionist!
McConnell: ehh… but you are dressed like one.
Trump: They dressed me up like this!
Democrats in unison: naah no we didn’t… no.
Trump: And this isn’t my nose, it’s a false one.
(McConnell lifts up carrot nose)
McConnell: Well?
PELOSI: Well we did do the nose
McConnell: The nose?
PELOSI: …And the hat, but he is an insurrectionist!
(all: yeah, burn him burn him!)
McConnell: Did you dress him up like this?
PELOSI: No! Yes. a bit! But he has got a wart!
Joe Biden: We’re gonna need more troops.
McConnell: What makes you think he is an insurrectionist?
AOC: Well, he had me assassinated!
McConnell: Assassinated?!
AOC: I got better.
Swalwell: Burn him anyway! McConnell: There are ways of telling whether he is an insurrectionist.
PELOSI: Are there? Well then tell us!
McConnell: Tell me… what do you do with insurrectionists?
P3: Burn’em! Burn them up! (burn burn burn)
McConnell: What do you burn apart from insurrectionists?
AOC: Books!
McConnell: and what are books made of?
Rep Hank Johnson: More troops!
McConnell: So, why do insurrectionists burn?
SWALLWELL: Cuz they’re made of… wood?
McConnell: Gooood.
McConnell: So, how do we tell if he is made of paper?
PELOSI: Print money on him!
McConnell: Ahh, but can you not also make money out of thin air?
PELOSI: Oh yeah…
McConnell: Does money sink in water?
PELOSI: No
AOC: No. It floats!
PELOSI: Let’s throw him into the swamp!
McConnell: What also floats in water?
PELOSI: Bread
Hunter Biden: Hookers!
SWALLWELL: Chinese women!
Hunter: Hookers!
Bernie Sanders: Free Tuition!
Rep Johnson: Won’t more troops tip Guam over?
PELOSI: Cherries
Biden: A Duck!
McConnell: Exactly! So, logically…
Pelosi(thinking): If he weighs the same as a book… he’s made of wood!
McConnell: And therefore,
(pause & think)
Pelosi: An insurrectionist!
McConnell: We shall use my largest scales.