As my readers will recall, my mother passed away a little over a month ago. When we initially went to the funeral home, her husband told us that he didn’t have any money, so my brother and I covered the costs associated with the cremation and other expenses. Over $3000 worth of expenses. At the time we paid, we designated my sister as the point of contact for the family. We paid for the cremation, 4 certified copies of the death certificate, and urns to split the ashes. (The Husband wanted some, my sister did, too. My brother and I didn’t get one, we just got the free container, because it’s our intention to bury Mom’s ashes in the grave that her and Dad already paid for.)

Once that was done, he asked us to provide him with one of the copies of Mom’s death certificate, and he also said that Mom didn’t want to be buried with her late husband (my Dad), but instead wanted to be buried with him (the widower). He asked us for another 10 large to cover the costs associated with a plot for the two of them, again claiming that he was broke. That was one thing that we weren’t going to pay for. Not my responsibility to pay for the burial plot for a man I barely knew.

He and mom were married a little over two years before her death. At that time, mom disposed of most of her stuff somehow, and moved in with him. Mom’s husband asked us to come over to his house and clean out Mom’s belongings. We agreed, because we were trying to find out what happened to a house full of expensive furniture, as well as the whereabouts of 150 thousand dollars in retirement funds.

Mom didn’t leave a will. Or so we thought. While we were cleaning out the detached garage, we found $4000 in cash and a copy of four wills. The first three were from when Dad was still alive. The fourth was interesting- it was less than 10 years old, named my brother as being the executor of the estate, and even though it was from before she remarried, it was the most current will. My sister handed the cash to the husband and his daughter before my brother and I could stop her. As a reader here, you would know that my sister is kind of stupid like that. She is also a Democrat, which explains why she doesn’t understand money, the law, or most other things of practical value.

WE contacted Mom’s stock broker to trace the money. What we didn’t know was that the husband and his daughter had taken Mom’s death certificate and a copy of their marriage license to the bank and had them cut the husband a check for the money. Not only that, but we found out that the husband had given Mom’s car away to his ex-wife. It turns out that the husband and daughter knew where the funds were the entire time, but neglected to tell us. They are deliberately hiding her assets.

When we pointed out that the estate hasn’t closed yet and they couldn’t be spending the money and giving away her possessions because things like funeral expenses needed to be paid from that estate, the daughter said “You aren’t expecting my father to pay for all of those things for your mother, are you? That’s HIS money now, because YOUR mother was planning on using that money to buy my dad a house. Her cremation expenses are your problem.”

My brother is PISSED. So am I. We are now paying an attorney to sue his ass and enforce the will. I don’t care if I don’t get a dime, but that asshole and his greedy twenty something daughter aren’t getting a penny more than the law says that they have to.

Folks- have a will. Keep it current. Don’t make your relatives deal with this sort of bullshit.

Categories: Me


Univ of Saigon 68 · January 16, 2024 at 11:21 am

Also have a Word file (with a paper copy as a backup) entitled “Where Everything Is.” Locations of financial accounts, insurance policies, wills, with passwords & user names. Where the guns are, who should be notified when you die, which Hawaiian shirt you want to be buried in, how much money to give to your poker buddies for the wake.

    Elrod · January 16, 2024 at 5:14 pm

    THIS !

    I’ve seen instances where the surviving spouse or family members didn’t know where the can opener was. Make a “Read This First” binder with lists of everything important – where stuff is kept, account numbers, inventory of, if not everything in the dwelling, at least the critically important items and how your estate should dispose of them (the big stuff should be in the will or trust document, but we all have other items – tools, guns, vehicles, etc. – that won’t be specifically named). Don’t forget off-premises storage – items in a storage unit will just go up for auction when the storage unit stops getting paid for each month – which will happen when credit cards get canceled, so where the unit is and how to get into it are important. And, did you loan Billy Bob your old truck last month when his car broke down? Do you want him to have it or would you prefer your nephew get it?

    The everyday trivial stuff we all do are things others do not know about unless you tell them, and some of those “everyday trivial things” are often not trivial at all. The people cleaning up behind you and resolving your affairs will be stressed, pressed for time because they have lives and families, too, some will be stupid, some will be greedy, some just ignorant and thoughtless, and you’re the one who has to plan for that.

Big Ruckus D · January 16, 2024 at 11:56 am

Typical deceitful cunts, with the “her money is our money now” bit, yet expecting the cremation and burial to be covered out of someone else’s pocket despite there being funds to take care of those expenses. I think the daughter needs to be schooled in how FAFO works.

If it were me in the situation you now find yourself, and suing their asses doesn’t yield an acceptable outcome, there would most assuredly be extra-judicial consequences to ensure they can never benefit from their ill gotten gains. There are all kinds of creative solutions that can be employed. And I would truly relish fucking them over good in light of the behavior exhibited so far.

Craig · January 16, 2024 at 12:12 pm

It never ceases to amaze me how death brings out greed. Good luck in your lawsuit to “bury his ass”.

    oldvet50 · January 16, 2024 at 2:40 pm

    I don’t see how any lawsuit could be unsuccessful given the facts as you explained them. Even though you do not want the money, he will have to give it to his lawyer to keep from giving it to you!

It's just Boris · January 16, 2024 at 2:38 pm

Also make sure the most recent copy of your will is in several locations, including the estate attorney and executor (if not the same person), and that all named in the will or otherwise impacted by it, know that.

Scott Norris · January 16, 2024 at 3:15 pm

We have found that a trust is better. Wills can be contested.

    Divemedic · January 16, 2024 at 6:24 pm

    The disadvantage to a trust is your home- in Florida, real property held in a trust cannot take the homestead exemption, which costs you about $1000 a year in property taxes and denies you the save our homes deduction.

Mike Hendrix · January 16, 2024 at 4:11 pm

Always loved my grandma’s way of expressing it when faced with such situations: she’d look down at her feet, shake her head ruefully, then slowly look back up with pure disgust in her eyes and say, “Boy, some people sure do got a nerve on ’em, don’t they?”

Dirty Dingus McGee · January 16, 2024 at 5:00 pm

I guess the only surprise is that the pair haven’t produced a “new” will. Yet.

Grumpy54 · January 16, 2024 at 5:57 pm

It’s also a lesson in family.

Some family members are NOT to be trusted. Love them, yes. Trust them, no.

Sounds like anything forthcoming shouldn’t necessarily be discussed with sister as she’s proven herself untrustworthy (in these matters).

Fishlaw · January 16, 2024 at 7:36 pm

It is truly sad that people do these kinds of things. You are trying to process your grief and then have to deal with rapacious bastards. I have seen it a couple times. My heart goes out to you.

jimmyPx · January 16, 2024 at 10:14 pm

This kind of bullshit is also why senior citizens should NEVER get married !
Date or live together, sure but never marry. People forget marriage is a LEGAL status and A LOT more than hearts, flowers and fun in the bedroom.
If your Mom hadn’t married this grifter, he would have zero legal rights and none of this shit would be happening. I’m with you and your brother though, I’d sue the crap out of them just on principle. Even if it all goes to the lawyers, better them than the 2 grifters.

C · January 17, 2024 at 8:19 am

I hope you are successful in financially breaking your foot off in their ass.

SoCoRuss · January 17, 2024 at 3:32 pm

Sorry you are going thru this but I highly doubt you will get any justice thru the legal system. He will claim the money is gone now somehow. This sounds like it was planned for a while or maybe they have done it before. Have the lawyer do a deep dive on his history.
You know you really are a saint at times.Sometimes you just have to take other actions to get justice. Glad I’m a only child, if this had happened to me it would have been very easy to keep my reaction secret except for that visit to Ace Hardware. Firm believer in the Code of the West.

SoCoRuss · January 17, 2024 at 3:34 pm

Forgot to ask, is this the same sister that had the problems with parents at school a while back you talked about? If yes, then didn’t she learn anything about people?

J · January 18, 2024 at 11:50 am

Unless your mom’s brokerage account was a TOD account, transfer on death, with her husband’s name as the transferee, you may also have an action against the brokerage company. Good luck.

Comments are closed.