Man found dead on the beach has winning lottery ticket in his wallet.
Humor
Tragically Funny
As you all know, Jill Biden is a teacher. In one class, she asks the students if anyone can give her an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” the First Lady says, “That would be an accident.”
A girl raises her hand. “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside … that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explains Jill Biden. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”
The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.
“What?” she asks, “Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally Little Johnny in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: “If an airplane carrying Joe and Jill Biden was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy.”
“Wonderful!” Biden beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says Johnny, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!”
Humor
Inflation illustrated
1976: $6 million gets you the most awesome bionic motherfucker on earth
Who then gets to bang this chick:
2020: Gets you 0.6% of the way to getting this sleepy, child molesting motherfucker elected
Who says the 70s were awful?
COVID
Satire
Good satire is difficult to tell apart from truth. The Babylon Bee nails it, again.
KABUL—Approximately twelve minutes after U.S. troops withdrew from Afghanistan, Taliban fighters have completely taken over the entire country.
“Woah, that’s a bummer,” said the Biden Administration’s foreign policy team. “We didn’t see that one coming.”
climate change
Kraken
The National Hockey League is adding a team during the off season this year. The team is the Seattle Kraken. I love the team name, because the jokes write themselves:
- Fans could be the Krakheads
- Cheerleaders could be the Krakwhores
- Before every game, as the team takes the ice: “Release the Kraken”
- The could even call the arena where the team plays “The Krakhouse”
Nevermind. Being Seattle, they have to fuck it all up, and call the arena “The Climate Pledge Arena” with the following pledge:
Our goal is to be the most progressive, responsible, and sustainable arena in the world.
It might sound ambitious—
but that’s the point.