How the Navy Works

If you have spent any time on the Internet, you’ve heard about the E4 mafia. Let me explain to you how that works. I already explained how laundry on a ship works. It was laundry day, and as the assistant workcenter supervisor, EM3 Divemedic was in charge of the night shift of the Flight Deck Power shop. He was sleeping during the day, and when he went to get up to get the evening meal to start his shift, laundry had not returned.

The reason, according to the coop cleaners, was the laundry had lost the electrical division’s laundry. All 300 pounds of it. There were now over 100 electricians whose uniforms were missing. Not wanting to put a dirty uniform back on, our hero called the ship’s laundry to ask where the clothes were. Some smartass junior enlisted said there was nothing he could do, the laundry was just missing.

So in his skivvies, this hero of the E division walked forward three spaces and pushed “off” on every ventilation fan that served the ship’s laundry space, then called the Chief Electric Watch (the CEW is the electrician on watch that controlled all electrical power on the ship that was not located inside of the nuclear power plant. The CEW is an E4-E6, but in this case was another E4 whose laundry was also missing.) and told him he would personally handle any trouble calls from the laundry for the next hour. Then he waits.

It took about 5 minutes for the laundry to call the CEW to complain. The CEW forwarded the call to the E division berthing, where EM3 Divemedic was waiting. The conversation was something like:

Laundry: “Our ventilation is broken, and it’s over 110 degrees in here. The laundry equipment is served by steam, and it’s pretty hot.”

EM3: “Man that sure does suck. As soon as I can get dressed, I will be there to fix it. I just don’t have a clean uniform, so it might take awhile.”

Laundry: “Turn those fans back on, or I am calling our Chief Petty Officer”

EM3: “Sorry. Wish I could help. Nothing I can do.”

The next ring of the phone was the E division CPO wanting to know why I was fucking with laundry’s ventilation. I explained to him that I wasn’t doing anything. I would troubleshoot the issue as soon as I got dressed. Maybe there was a ground or the controller was faulty. The chief replied: “Why are you working on this? This isn’t the flight deck and ventilation isn’t your shop’s job.” I replied something about the health and care for our shipmates was all of our concern.

While this conversation was going on, out laundry mysteriously appeared. All 300 pounds of it. I got dressed and turned the fans back on. Our laundry never got lost again, and everyone lived happily (or not) ever after.

Thanks to the E4 mafia. This story isn’t even the worst example of the Engineering department going to war with another department that I have.