Satire

Good satire is difficult to tell apart from truth. The Babylon Bee nails it, again.

KABUL—Approximately twelve minutes after U.S. troops withdrew from Afghanistan, Taliban fighters have completely taken over the entire country.

“Woah, that’s a bummer,” said the Biden Administration’s foreign policy team. “We didn’t see that one coming.”

Kraken

The National Hockey League is adding a team during the off season this year. The team is the Seattle Kraken. I love the team name, because the jokes write themselves:

  • Fans could be the Krakheads
  • Cheerleaders could be the Krakwhores
  • Before every game, as the team takes the ice: “Release the Kraken”
  • The could even call the arena where the team plays “The Krakhouse”

Nevermind. Being Seattle, they have to fuck it all up, and call the arena “The Climate Pledge Arena” with the following pledge:

Our goal is to be the most progressive, responsible, and sustainable arena in the world.

It might sound ambitious—
but that’s the point.

DogKnight Armor

Did you know that the Bureau of Anything Terrifying FEinstein (BATFe) is preparing for the coming Assault weapons ban?

Don’t let YOUR dog become a victim. We here at DogKnight want to protect your dog from what is coming. Why, for just 4 easy payments of $462.78, you can get our new product, the Garland. It will help ensure that your dog doesn’t become a victim.

Don’t wait, act today!

Because fuck em.

I didn’t need a new pillow, but I bought one from My Pillow.com

Why? Because David Hogg said not to, and fuck ’em, that’s why.

(And no, I am not affiliated in any way with MyPillow, other than having just bought one. I am not a hedge fund douche. )

EDITED TO ADD: You get a discount for using the discount code Q (yes, just the letter Q)